Loving God: When Love Becomes Life

We love because He first loved us. — 1 John 4:19 (NIV)

God's agape love is not simply something He declares. It is a love He demonstrates. John 3:16 tells us that God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son. His giving was an expression of the love that was already in His heart, already part of who He is. And when we begin to experience that love ourselves, something amazing happens. His love produces a response within us. We discover a growing desire to love others, to live differently and, perhaps most important, to love the One who first loved us.

This was certainly my experience when I first became a believer. Having encountered the love of God in such a powerful, personal and tangible way, I found myself wanting to respond. I wasn't just interested in adopting a new religious way of life, attending church or becoming involved in Christian activities. I had encountered Someone who loved me, and I wanted to love Him in return.

Of course, Jesus taught us to love our neighbours as ourselves. Throughout Christian history, countless ministries, acts of kindness and expressions of service have grown out of this command. And that's good. The love of God should never remain something we enjoy privately while ignoring the people around us.

But there was another desire growing within my heart. I wanted to express my love directly to God Himself. I wanted to know Him, enjoy His presence and discover what it really meant to love Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. I wanted something deeper than just learning to know about God. I wanted to actually know Him personally.

More than singing songs

Like many Christians, I had attended church services where we sang wonderful songs about loving God, following Jesus and surrendering everything to Him. I meant those words, but I began wondering what they would actually look like in everyday life. If I sang about loving Jesus on Sunday, how might that love influence the way I treated my family on Monday? If I declared that I would follow Him anywhere, what would following Him look like in the ordinary decisions and relationships of my life?

I began to recognise that love was never intended to remain confined to words, feelings or moments of worship.

Consider marriage, for example. I can tell my wife that I love her, and those words matter. But love is also expressed through kindness, consideration, faithfulness, affection, listening and the countless ordinary ways we share our lives. None of those actions is intended to purchase her love. They grow out of the relationship we already share. In fact, healthy relationships become unhealthy when every action is treated as a test of love. Love should be freely expressed, rather than constantly demanded or measured.

I believe something similar is important in our relationship with God. There is nothing wrong with singing songs of adoration. Worship is itself a beautiful expression of love. Neither should we underestimate the significance of simply enjoying God's presence, resting in His goodness or spending time with Him. But our love for God doesn't need to end when the music fades. The relationship we celebrate in worship is one we have the privilege of enjoying throughout the week.

If you love Me

One passage that became particularly significant to me was John 14:15:

"If you love me, keep my commands." (NIV)

For many years, I understood this primarily as a challenge to demonstrate the sincerity of my love through obedience. I still believe obedience really matters. However, as my understanding of grace and our identity in Christ has developed, I have come to appreciate the wider context of Jesus' words. And context matters.

Jesus was speaking to His disciples shortly before His crucifixion. He was preparing them for His departure, reassuring them of His love and promising the Holy Spirit, who would remain with them. Immediately after speaking about love and obedience, Jesus promised that the Father would give them another Advocate, the Spirit of truth, to be with them for ever (John 14:16–17).

This matters because Jesus wasn't simply issuing instructions and then leaving His disciples to prove themselves through their own efforts. He was describing a continuing relationship in which they would know His love, receive the Holy Spirit and learn to walk in His ways. A little later, Jesus speaks about the Father's love and promises that He and the Father will make their home with those who love Him (John 14:23). What a wonderful picture of our relationship with God!

Of course, we mustn't remove the challenge from Jesus' words. He genuinely calls His followers to obey His teaching. The New Testament doesn't allow us to separate our love for Christ from taking His teaching seriously. Nevertheless, there is an important difference between obedience that grows out of love and obedience motivated by the fear that we might otherwise lose that love.

We don't obey Jesus to persuade Him to love us. We love because He first loved us, and as we grow in that relationship, we increasingly want our lives to reflect His heart. His commands are not obstacles standing between us and His affection. They teach us what a life shaped by His love actually looks like.

Learning to recognise His heart

As a relatively new Christian, this understanding of love and obedience began an extraordinary adventure for me. I found myself reading Scripture with passion. Passages that I had previously overlooked suddenly seemed particularly relevant to my circumstances. I became increasingly conscious of how Jesus' teaching could influence my relationships, attitudes and everyday decisions.

Sometimes, while reading Scripture or praying, I would sense the Holy Spirit drawing my attention to something specific. Perhaps I needed to reconsider a judgemental attitude towards someone. Perhaps I needed to forgive, apologise or show kindness to a person I found particularly difficult. At other times, a passage of Scripture might challenge the way I was treating my family or responding to difficult situations.

I began to discover that loving Jesus wasn't simply something I expressed during moments of worship. It was something that could increasingly shape the whole of my life.

However, there is an important distinction I would make today.

I don't believe we need to continually search for new personal commands or wait for a particular spiritual experience before responding to what Jesus has already taught us.

We can confidently open our Bibles and discover His teaching. We can learn about His character, understand His priorities and become increasingly familiar with His ways as we read the already God-breathed words (2 Timothy 2:16).

Yes, I still believe the Holy Spirit can guide us personally, bring Scripture to our attention and prompt us in particular situations. But our impressions should always be weighed carefully against Scripture. They should never be treated as unquestionable commands simply because we believe they might have come from God.

In fact, when we consider John 14:15 in context, Jesus wasn't introducing a system in which His disciples needed to continually search for new individual instructions to demonstrate their love. He was calling them to keep His teaching and promising the Holy Spirit, who would continue to teach and remind them of what He had said (John 14:26).

We have the extraordinary privilege of accessing that teaching through Scripture. The Holy Spirit may illuminate particular passages or draw our attention to situations in which we need to apply them, but we must exercise discernment. Otherwise, we risk creating another performance-based system in which our relationship with God revolves around continually receiving and fulfilling instructions.

The joy of responding to His love

Looking back, some of the most meaningful experiences in my early Christian life came through putting Jesus' teaching into practice. I remember discovering how powerful it could be to respond differently in situations where I might previously have become angry, defensive or judgemental. As I began to forgive others, demonstrate kindness and make different choices, I experienced the joy of seeing God's Word become part of my everyday life. Those moments were often accompanied by a wonderful awareness of His presence.

Yet there's something else I would express differently today.

God wasn't rewarding my obedience by giving me additional quantities of His love. Neither was His affection increasing because I had successfully completed another spiritual assignment. His love was already mine in Christ. What I was discovering was the joy of participating in that love and experiencing the fruit of allowing His teaching to shape my life.

There may be a special joy in knowing that our actions please God, just as there is joy in any healthy relationship when we express our love in meaningful ways. But we must never confuse pleasing God with earning His acceptance. Our relationship with Him rests on something infinitely more secure than our ability to get everything right.

Romans 5:8 reminds us that Christ died for us while we were still sinners. His love came first.

And this becomes particularly important when we fail. We don't need to hide from God until we've demonstrated sufficient repentance or obedience to deserve His attention again. We can come to Him, acknowledge our failures and receive His grace as we continue to grow.

Our heavenly Father doesn't stop being our Father every time we make a mistake.

Love that bears fruit

As my Christian life developed, I began to recognise that the teaching of Jesus touched every part of life. The way I treated my family mattered. My relationships within the church mattered. My attitude towards colleagues, strangers and even those who opposed or mistreated me mattered. Jesus wasn't simply interested in a collection of isolated religious actions. He was inviting me into an entirely different way of living.

This is where Paul's words in Ephesians 2:8–10 become particularly important.

We are saved by grace through faith, not by works, yet we are created in Christ Jesus for good works. Notice the order!

We don't work our way into becoming God's beloved children. We receive His grace, discover who we are in Christ and begin to walk in the life He has prepared for us. The Holy Spirit is central to this transformation. Galatians 5 describes the fruit of the Spirit, including love, joy, peace, patience, kindness and self-control.

These are not simply religious behaviours we must manufacture to demonstrate our spiritual credentials. They are the fruit of a life increasingly influenced by the Spirit of God. Of course, growing in Christ involves choices. Sometimes those choices are difficult. Forgiveness can be costly. Loving our enemies challenges our natural reactions. Humility, patience and sacrificial service frequently require us to set aside our personal preferences. But we are not left to manufacture Christlike character through sheer determination. We have the Holy Spirit, who continues His transforming work within us.

Equally, as a pastoral note, loving someone doesn't mean accepting every behaviour, avoiding necessary boundaries or remaining in harmful situations. Sometimes love requires us to speak uncomfortable truths, challenge unhealthy behaviour or protect ourselves and others. Following Jesus involves wisdom and discernment, not simply doing whatever another person expects of us.

And as we grow, we discover that obedience is about increasingly reflecting the character of the One we have come to know and love.

What might love look like today?

I still believe there is something beautiful about beginning the day with a desire to express our love for Jesus. But rather than anxiously searching for another command to demonstrate our devotion, perhaps we could approach Him with a different attitude.

Interestingly, when Jesus taught His disciples to pray, He didn't instruct them to begin each day by searching for new personal commands. Instead, He taught them to honour their heavenly Father, seek His kingdom, depend on His provision, receive forgiveness and extend that forgiveness to others.

Of course, seeking God's will and following His guidance are important parts of Christian living. However, our relationship with Him should never become an exhausting search for the next instruction. We are invited to know our Father, depend upon Him and walk in the truth He has already revealed.

So, we might begin our day by thanking Him for loving us. We might spend time enjoying His presence, reading His Word and allowing the Holy Spirit to shape our thoughts. And then, as we go about our day, we can remain open to the opportunities to show love which are already around us. Perhaps love will look like patiently listening to a family member, encouraging someone who is struggling or extending forgiveness where we have been holding on to resentment. Perhaps it will involve standing up for someone who has been mistreated, establishing a necessary boundary or speaking the truth when remaining silent would be easier.

Sometimes love will involve costly action. At other times, it might involve something as simple as resting in God's presence and enjoying being His child. After all, relationships are not sustained by activity alone. There is a time to serve, a time to sacrifice and a time simply to enjoy being together.

I still want my life to demonstrate my love for Jesus, just as I did when I first became a Christian. But increasingly, I want those expressions of love to flow from the security of knowing that I am already deeply loved by Him.

Perhaps the question isn't simply, "What must I do today to show God that I love Him?"

Perhaps a better starting point is, "Father, thank You for loving me. Help me to know You more deeply and express something of Your love in the way I live today."

Because ultimately, the Christian life doesn't begin with our love for God.

It begins with His love for us. And what an amazing place from which to live.

© 2021 Darren Roy (Updated 2026) A personal reflection, originally written several years ago and since revisited. My understanding of God's love, grace and the relationship between obedience and intimacy with Him has developed considerably over the years. While my desire to express my love for Jesus remains unchanged, I now appreciate more deeply the importance of living from His love rather than attempting to earn or demonstrate our worthiness of it.